


Friend, Please

by fak3_y0u_0ut



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Comfort/Angst, Depressed Yamaguchi Tadashi, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, One Shot, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-16 13:59:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7271113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fak3_y0u_0ut/pseuds/fak3_y0u_0ut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nishinoya wants Yamaguchi to stay with him, while Yamaguchi wants to leave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Friend, Please

**Author's Note:**

> A YamaNoya one-shot based on the song Friend, Please by Twenty One Pilots because this relationship tag was lacking angst. Please don't hate me...

_[Here's the song if you haven't heard it, you don't have to listen but I highly recommend listening first, since some lyric references are made. Plus, it's just a very good song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFG5CSMwHxI) _

* * *

“Yamaguchi.”

“Huh?”

“Look.” Yamaguchi looked up from his feet to see Noya walking in front of him reaching his hand back and shaking it. He also had his head turned to look at Yama over his shoulder and was making a pouty face. The tall first year took one of his hands out of his pocket and grabbed the shorter second year’s. Noya squeezed his boyfriend’s hand tight as he continued to walk in front of him. Yamaguchi stayed silent as the pair walked to Noya’s house. They had just left a weekend practice and Noya invited him over to his place afterwards.

_“Yamaguchi, do you wanna come to my house after practice?” Noya asked as the team started stretching._

_“Uh...I don’t know, I, uh...have studying and stuff…” Yamaguchi responded unenthusiastically._

_“Pleeeease? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” Noya whined._

_“You see me every day at practice,” Yama said in a monotone voice._

_“You know what I mean, just hanging out just the two of us. Please, come over, just for me?” Noya pleaded as he wrapped his arms around Yama’s waist. He looked up at him with an angry pouting face. The pinch server sighed._

_“Okay, I guess…” he said as he ruffled Noya’s hair and pulled away._

Noya sighed as he practically dragged Yama into his house. _He’s been acting different for the past couple weeks…he’s acting almost like a ghost..._ Noya thought as he pulled his boyfriend into his bedroom. The libero pushed Yama onto his bed and jumped on top of him. “I’ve missed you,” he said as he started to peck all over the freckled boy’s face.

“You see me all the time…”

“I’ve missed doing this,” Noya corrected himself as he cupped Yama’s face and kissed him on the lips. Yamaguchi closed his eyes and rested his hands on Noya’s hips. They started to slowly make out and Noya loved every second. “Fuck, I forgot how good this felt…” Noya whispered. He sat up on top of Yama still and pulled the collar of his shirt over his face and wiped his forehead. “God, it’s hot as hell,” he complained. He looked down at Yamaguchi and frowned. No matter what he did he couldn’t get a response. Yama just stared back blankly.

Noya got off of Yamaguchi and pushed him up against his bed’s headboard. He hooked his hands under Yama’s knees and wiggled himself underneath Yama so he was sitting on the libero's thighs. “What’s up with you?” he asked before planting a quick kiss on the tall boy.

“Nothing, I’m fine” Yama answered and kissed his boyfriend’s cheek.

Noya frowned, missing that precious, warm glow Yamaguchi had to him before. “Are you sure?” Yamaguchi nodded. “If you say so…” Noya trailed off before leaning in and giving Yama another kiss, this one needier than the ones before. Yamaguchi parted his lips and welcomed Noya, but Noya could tell his heart wasn’t in it. Noya tried creeping his fingers up Yama’s thighs to see if he could withdraw any reaction. He did, but it wasn't the one he expected.

“Stop, please don’t…” Yama said as he grabbed Noya’s wrists when he slipped his hands under Yama’s shorts and got to the top of his thighs.

“Why…?” Noya questioned, sounding concerned as he slowly pulled his hands out of the pant legs of Yama’s shorts. They hadn’t had sex before, but they had done other things before and Noya had touched his boyfriend’s bare thighs plenty of times before, but never got this reaction.

“N-nothing, never mind, it’s fine…” Yama stuttered. “It’s just...i-it’s been a couple weeks since we’ve done anything...I-I just forgot..how i-it…” he trailed off, never finishing his excuse. Noya looked at him concerned, and had the feeling he was lying. Noya started to slowly push Yamaguchi’s shorts up so all of his thighs were exposed. “Noya...please,” Yama whispered. The concerned boyfriend studied his thighs, and noticed three faint, thin lines on each of his thighs that he had never noticed before. You couldn’t really see them unless you were looking for them.

Noya’s eyes widened as his breath hitched. “T-Tadashi…” he whispers as he brushed his fingers over the scars on Yamaguchi’s thighs.

“D-don’t worry about them, they’re old…” he said, trying to dismiss the situation. Noya looked at him with his mouth hanging open slightly. “I-I only cut in junior high...I stopped now, okay? Please don’t make a big deal about this,” Yama asked, hoping Noya would drop the subject and move on.

“You did this in junior high?” Noya whispered, looking Yamaguchi in the eye. Yama looked away and bit his lip.

“No,” he whispered, barely loud enough for Noya to hear. “I-In junior high...I did it around the back of my ankles so no one would ever noticed...b-but…”

“Tadashi, when did you do this?” Noya asked, trying not to let his voice quiver from holding back tears.

“A-after the first match w-we lost to Seijoh…” Yama admitted as tears began to stream down his face. “I...I tried...I tried so hard not to relapse…I tried so hard...” he whispered weakly. “But I felt so useless and horrible after that match...a-and since then, I’ve been trying so hard not to relapse again...and you touching the scars...it just reminded me and right now I'm trying to forget...and I just...I’ve been trying so hard not to do it again but it’s gotten so hard lately...I’m just so fucking worthless-”

“No, you’re not,” Noya interrupted. “Please, please don’t ever think that…” he breathed as Yama brought his knees up to his chest and covered his face with his hands. Noya shifted so he was now sitting right across from him instead of under him. He sat there speechless as he tried to push himself to say something, but he couldn’t manage to choke a single word out. He just sat there helplessly and watched Yamaguchi.

“I am worthless...you can’t convince me I’m not. I’ve been blowing more and more serves and I’m going backwards on my progress and I’m not good at anything. The team doesn’t even need me, hell, they’d be better off without me...and it’s not just that, I’m not good enough for anyone…My life is worthless...” Yamaguchi rambled as he continued to hide his face in his hands.

“You’re good enough for me…” Noya said. “You’re more than good enough, you’re amazing, and please don’t beat yourself up over you’re serves, everyone has rough patches. The team needs you...trust me...Tadashi, please, you’re life isn’t worthless, you have to believe that…” he finished as his voice cracked. Tears ran down his face as he waited for his boyfriend to respond.

After sitting in silence for a while, Yamaguchi finally responded. “My life _is_ worthless. Everyone is better off without me. No one even cares about me…”

“ _I_ care about you, Tadashi, you know that!” Noya tried arguing as more tears fell from his eyes. A heavy silence filled the air between them for a minute.

“I just want to fucking die…” Yamaguchi whispered weakly.

“Tadashi…”

Yamaguchi looked up from his hands for the first time. “Noya...you shouldn’t be with me. Go find someone else, I’m sure you can find someone ten times better. I’ll be leaving soon-”

“Tadashi! Don’t say that!” Noya cried out.

“Why not?” Yama yelled aggressively. “It’s true anyways! Once I’m dead I won’t be holding you or anyone else back! No one fucking needs me, there’s no point in me being alive anymore-”

“ _I need you!_ Isn’t that good enough?” Noya shouted back. He inhaled sharply as more and more tears streamed down his face.

“But you really _don’t..._ ” Yamaguchi argued as he rubbed his eyes to wipe away the tears. He covered his eyes and dug his fingertips into his head. “God, if I would’ve just fucking offed myself earlier we wouldn’t even have to _have_ this conversation…”

“Tadashi…” Noya breathed softly as he gently grabbed Yama’s wrists and removed his hands away from over his eyes. “Please look at me…” Yamaguchi looked at him with glassy eyes as more tears streamed down his cheeks. Noya laced his fingers with Yamaguchi’s and squeezed his hands tight. “Please, don’t leave. I-I know...I know you want to leave...but Tadashi, please…please don’t take your life away from me…” Noya begged.

“Yuu…” Yama whispered. Noya rested his forehead on his boyfriend’s and cupped his face.

“Tadashi, you’re one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met, and you bring so much happiness and light into my life, a-and I can never lose you...please, please promise not to leave me, okay? I’ll be a better boyfriend and-”

“Yuu, don’t blame yourself...this isn’t your fault...I-I’ve been like this for years...i-it’s just too much for me now-”

“I have to fix that,” Noya said, determined.

“Yuu...you’ve already done so much for me...please, don’t feel like you’ve done nothing or that you have to do more. You’ve brought me so much happiness and I-I almost forgot about the sadness and emptiness I always felt but...i-it just came back and it’s not your fault... You’ve showed me a bright and amazing world, but I realized it’s not mine, it’s yours…”

“Tadashi-”

“I can’t hold you back. I’ve been feeling like I’ve just been bringing you down and I can’t do that to you-”

“Tadashi, I’ve never been happier that I have been with you, a-and these past couple months have been amazing a-and-”

“You don’t have to lie to me, you don’t deserve to deal with me, you don’t deserve to deal with any of this, no one should. I can’t do this anymore Yuu, I just can’t, i-it’s best if I just kill-”

Noya grabbed Yamaguchi’s shirt and pulled him into a kiss to cut him off. He held him there tightly and refused to let him budge as he pressed his lips hard into Yama’s. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence…” he whispered softly when he finally pulled away. “I love you so much…” Noya choked out, running his hand through Yama’s hair gently.

Yamaguchi’s eyes widened and he silently cried even harder. The word “love” was still fairly new to the couple and still took Yama by surprise every time he heard it. He could barely believe Noya actually loved him, but this time was different. He sounded more sincere than ever, and for the first time, Yamaguchi truly, 100% believed him. “I-I love you too,” he said, his voice cracking as more tears ran down his cheeks.

“You have to promise me you’ll stay alive for me, okay?” Noya begged desperately, squeezing his boyfriend’s hands tight.

“I-I can’t promise that…” Yamaguchi trailed off as he looked into Noya’s eyes. He looked back with pleading eyes. He looked so vulnerable, and so scared.

“Tadashi...please…”

Yama sighed heavily. “O-okay, I promise…” he said softly. He tried to keep himself from letting out a sob, but failed. After letting one slip, he became a sobbing, hiccuping mess. Noya quickly climbed to the top of the bed and rested his back on the headboard and pulled Yamaguchi into him. Yama grabbed at Noya shirt as he buried his face into his boyfriend’s chest and sobbed heavily into it.

“It’s okay...it’s okay...I’m here for you...it’s okay...I’m here…” Noya whispered as he rubbed Yamaguchi’s hair with one hand and his back with the other. Yamaguchi wrapped his arms around Noya’s torso as he continued to cry into his chest. Once he calmed down a bit, Noya kissed the top of his boyfriend’s head and buried his face in his hair. He thought about the feeling of Yamaguchi’s soft hair against his skin could have easily been taken for granted. He combed over every little thing about Yamaguchi he had fallen in love with and how he had taken them for granted. They could’ve easily just disappeared forever if Yamaguchi had let go just a little bit sooner. Chills went up Noya’s spine at the thought.

“Yuu?” Yama softly whispered as he raised his head.

“Hm?” Noya hummed.

“Thank you, for everything…” Yama thanked in the smallest voice. “ _I love you_ ,” he whispered quickly. If his face wasn’t already red from crying, he would’ve been blushing hard.

Noya smiled as he responded, “I love you too, Tadashi.” It was the first time the shy boy had ever said “I love you,” first. Noya leaned down and gave Yama a lingering, tender kiss and squeezed him tightly when he pulled away. “I’ll always be here for you…”

“I know that now…” Yama sleepily responded as he nuzzled into Noya’s chest. "Thank you..." he said, his voice muffled by Noya's chest. Noya heard his breathing slow down and knew he was falling asleep. He was about ready to fall asleep himself.

Noya kept gently rubbing his sleeping boyfriend’s hair. He knew this wasn't the end. He knew he would keep having to comfort Yama and be there for him. And he was ready for it, he wanted to do whatever he could to help. Thinking about the future, he knew he had to talk to Yama about getting help. As much as he wished he could be the sole solution and help Yama needed, Noya knew he was in no position to take full responsibility for Yama's mental health, nor believe he could be the medical attention Yama needed. No matter how rough things looked, he was determined to help his beautiful boyfriend smile brightly once again.

The libero sighed, thankful Yama was there wrapped safely in his arms for now. Noya whispered, more to himself than Yamaguchi, “ _Please, don’t take your life away from me…_ ”


End file.
